i wanna get closer.

Lord, I've been going through the wire with thoughts and with actions posed by others and with the things that have been sacrificed. It's like everyday something new. Everyday there is something going on, I feel like so much has happened in this short span of time its almost scary to think the year is coming to an end. Broke up and got back into a relationship with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. This thing called intimacy is like non-existent with him and it makes me feel as if I have to stand on pins and needles with him every second of the day. We talk but I want more, I need more, I remember when the beginning was fresh and we were so in tune with conversations and just talking about just anything. I guess when you get caught up in this thing called love, you lose sight on a lot. Insecurities build, anxiety and apprehension builds. I feel like I'm in a one-sided love and it scares me to think it can or could have come to that. I think since twitter has arrived on the scene my social skills have dwindled and have made me a dull person in certain aspects. Its as if it holds you captive and makes you feel like you have to give into the conversations of ignorance and the lack of knowledge thereof. I've tried to wield myself off of it for hours and hours at a time just for my sanity. I just want to be able to converse again and feel liberated like I once did without the thoughts of all this unnecessary clout clouding my mind. I feel like I've lost my sense of self and the confidence I did have due to the cheating that occurred within our relationship that just broke me mentally to feed into caring more so for him than myself. God, I need you to restore that confidence in me, that wisdom in me that I once had. No more crap being filtered into my life because its doing more harm than good. I love my boyfriend and I'm glad we're on this road to getting closer spiritually. Lord, help us to do that please. I ask for a lot and half the time , that lot is not what i need but what I want. Lord, forgive me for my uncleanliness in spirit. Lord, forgive me for my ways of thought, my actions of anger. Help me to be more focused and driven. God I want to see Your hands touch and work. Lord, the church foundation is crumbling and it's scary that it has come to this. It is scary that we are at this point where holiness is the last thing on our minds and love is the last thing on our agendas. God, I place all these issues in your hands because I know and I have great faith that You and only you can restore the fruits of the spirit in each of us. Lord, I'm crying because I know it's hard to live and love on this straight and narrow and my heart cries for these issues and things going on. Lord I feel overwhelmed, I feel like I'm lost right now, I feel like there is more to life and we're not seeking that search. So emotional, so scared of what tomorrow may bring. Lord, reteach me how to love unconditionally. Lord, re teach me how to be intimate in a positive light. It's hard living right now, because everything is up in the air. I feel crazy sometimes, I feel helpless at times and I wonder where have you been? But then I realize I left you and you didn't leave me. I left and it's my fault. God I need you to work in my relationships, my friendships, my work experience, I just need you first. Lord please restore the joy of my salvation. Lord restore the communication in my love life. I don't want to lose this person who've I've grown to love in such a way and the fact that He is seeking you, man that makes me so happy, so joyous inside to know that he is willing and able to set aside his desires to get closer to you.

Lord, thank you for letting me vent.

its in Jesus name I pray this prayer,
Amen.